I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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