Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
