Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My balls are so social today.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
