I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize