i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
