the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
