Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
