You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
