Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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