dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
