It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
