i wish my penis had a tongue
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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