whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
