Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
