dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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