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i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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