I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
