I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
