I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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