She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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