Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
