how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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