i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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