Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
