I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
