I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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