We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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