So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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