you guys were way drunker than both of me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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