I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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