They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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