I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize