So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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