Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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