and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
