Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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