where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want to make out with him forever
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
