i just had sex bonerless
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
