she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
