somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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