Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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