Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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