I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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