tell your sister to shave her snatch
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
