Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
