:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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