I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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