I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I intend to get homeless drunk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
