I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize