I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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