Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
