That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
