I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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