Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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