So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
