everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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