no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
