My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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