At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
