i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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