ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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