can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
