I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We left the knife in your bed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
