i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
