maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
