i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
