Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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