what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i love accidental penises.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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