I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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