everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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