I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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