Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
