I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Pants are for mortals
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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