I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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