I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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