Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
