I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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