I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
