If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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