Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
