come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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