***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
