apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize