so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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