i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Vodka?
Forever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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