the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
