Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize