I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
this is an emotional support booty call
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
