I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
