yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
