you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the raccoons are back...
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