dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
