What did we do last night that was yellow?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
