areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
