Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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