Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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