sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
