I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
